WE MEET AGAIN.
I wrote this a couple months ago on Notepad:
What happens when you realize you've stopped doing all the things you loved because you felt like you weren't any good? That you weren't worthy?
It's probably the saddest thing I've ever written, and by sharing it on this blog I suppose it's revealing a lot about me but you know what? It's 2014. I'm 21. I'm going to over-share because what has under-sharing done for me? A high school and college experience that I keep looking back on and thinking what if what if what if
I'm tired of feeling that way. This has happened to me in so many areas of my life: in playing the flute (which has extended to me playing any instrument), in dancing, in writing, in INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE...
The one type of writing I know I am good at is academic writing. I've spent the last eight years working on it, but when it comes to writing fictional stories or even personal narratives I always stop before the piece goes anywhere because these thoughts enter my head:
Who even cares?
Who is going to read this?
Whoever reads this is going to think you are an idiot because you can't even express your thoughts coherently. What are you getting at?
I guess if a friend shared those thoughts with me I would think there's an underlying issue that goes beyond writing or whatever they were trying to do. I would fear that they have low self-esteem and would hope that they would find a way to work through those issues. I suppose that's what I need to do as well.
When I was growing up, I always envisioned myself as a writer. I would be lying if I said that there wasn't a small part of me that pictures that sometime in the future, when I've lived enough of a life to have an interesting tale to tale, I will write a book. Whether it actually is successful remains to be seen, but I'd like to think it would be!
So I'm taking back this blog and I am going to write, regardless if my writing is good or not. It could be the most incomprehensible piece of crap on the planet but at least I am taking back something. I am not letting that little voice in my head knock me down and force me back to square one. I don't know if I should continue writing on my Tumblr or here. I think I'll switch back and forth until I figure out which platform I prefer to publish on.
What happens when you realize you've stopped doing all the things you loved because you felt like you weren't any good? That you weren't worthy?
It's probably the saddest thing I've ever written, and by sharing it on this blog I suppose it's revealing a lot about me but you know what? It's 2014. I'm 21. I'm going to over-share because what has under-sharing done for me? A high school and college experience that I keep looking back on and thinking what if what if what if
I'm tired of feeling that way. This has happened to me in so many areas of my life: in playing the flute (which has extended to me playing any instrument), in dancing, in writing, in INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE...
The one type of writing I know I am good at is academic writing. I've spent the last eight years working on it, but when it comes to writing fictional stories or even personal narratives I always stop before the piece goes anywhere because these thoughts enter my head:
Who even cares?
Who is going to read this?
Whoever reads this is going to think you are an idiot because you can't even express your thoughts coherently. What are you getting at?
I guess if a friend shared those thoughts with me I would think there's an underlying issue that goes beyond writing or whatever they were trying to do. I would fear that they have low self-esteem and would hope that they would find a way to work through those issues. I suppose that's what I need to do as well.
When I was growing up, I always envisioned myself as a writer. I would be lying if I said that there wasn't a small part of me that pictures that sometime in the future, when I've lived enough of a life to have an interesting tale to tale, I will write a book. Whether it actually is successful remains to be seen, but I'd like to think it would be!
So I'm taking back this blog and I am going to write, regardless if my writing is good or not. It could be the most incomprehensible piece of crap on the planet but at least I am taking back something. I am not letting that little voice in my head knock me down and force me back to square one. I don't know if I should continue writing on my Tumblr or here. I think I'll switch back and forth until I figure out which platform I prefer to publish on.
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