Everybody needs a dreamcatcher

I started staying up late, without parental permission, in between the 6th and 7th grade, at about 11 or 12. These were the innocent days of 2004, 2005: when smartphones and tablets weren't a thing, when desktop computers ruled and they stayed in the family room, and kids of my my peer group were barely starting to get cell phones (and if they did, they were very much privileged).

My parents would regulate my bedtime as much as they had the energy to do. They would take away my TV remote at night but once my parents were out, I'd sneak in their room on my hands and knees and grab the remote from their dresser. It felt like an intense, thrilling spy mission, and once I stole my remote back, my late nights would be on and popping. Sometimes, I'd even manage to sneak a bowl of cereal into my room! Exciting times.

My favorite things to watch fell into a few categories:

Nick at Nite and Disney Channel sitcoms: On Disney, I loved the reruns of Sister, Sister and Boy Meets World the most, as those felt like glimpses into the high school, young adult world I'd yet to reach. On Nick at Nite, I loved Full House and The Cosby Show. I think the reruns of those two shows appealed to me the most because I envied their large families and how close and how functional they seemed compared to mine.

Late night shows: I'm embarrassed to admit I liked Jay Leno, especially the Headlines bit he used to do. I also found This Week in Unnecessary Censorship on Jimmy Kimmel Live! the height of hilarity. I blame both of these things on my middle school sense of humor. I also liked but didn't yet love Conan O'Brien. I think that was because I could barely stay awake that late to see him most days, unless it was summer. At that time, I started paying attention to Saturday Night Live, but I always fell asleep somewhere in the middle.

Public television: KCET showed Classic Arts Showcase through the night which was kind of an MTV for the "fine" arts, which allowed me to pretend I was cultured while in reality, I was only watching it because MTV didn't show music videos through the night and VH1's programming was too boomer sometimes.

Another public TV station would show Annenberg-CPB shows through the night, which were basically educational or teacher-development shows that were amazing because they gave me a glimpse into college-level psychology, literature, physics, Spanish - and all for free! What a nerd!

It was on this channel that I discovered Connect with English, which was an educational program that is aimed towards people learning English. The way the show does this is clever: through a drama, almost a soap opera, that according to the intro, is designed to be paired with workbooks that allow the learner to, you know, connect with English.

I was very, very into this show, but I could never stay up late enough every day to catch it all in its proper running order. Now that I'm an actual adult, with Internet access on multiple devices, who can stay up late as she wishes, I recently realized I could finally watch every single episode of Connect with English! I just finished this week, in my COVID induced couch-potato state.

Before starting the series again, I had a question: why was this must-see TV for me as a 12 year old? I had no need to connect with English! But as I re-watched, I remembered a couple of little things that struck me as a 7th grader:

• Casey at bat: I remember the episode when the main character, Rebecca Casey, a striking 28-year-old redhead, teaches a bunch of kids about the poem "Casey at the Bat". I think it stuck with me because there was a girl in my class named Casey who was great at softball (and the flute, which I played) and I thought it was crazy that she would fulfill her name destiny or whatever.
• Domestic violence: Rebecca has a best friend, Sandy, who has an asshole drunk boyfriend that embarrasses her at a party that all their friends are at and in a later episode, actually hits her and chases after her through their apartment building as she attempts to leave him (TRIGGER WARNING, obviously). It was a terrifying plot point, but at the time, I was completely fascinated at how these kinds of relationships worked.
• Racism: I remember that Rebecca had a male friend who was Mexican-American and I remember being shocked that he just casually dropped the words "spic" and "wetback" in front of a bunch of kids, even though he was justified since he was Mexican-American and talking about discrimination. Even though I heard the word "wetback" sometimes being thrown around, I had never heard those words on TV! The horror!
• Dreamcatcher: The theme song of this program never, ever left my head. It's a tune.

Now that I'm older and have watched it completely, in its proper order, it actually ended up a generally unsatisfying experience. I know that it's supposed to be soap-y or whatever, but I did not ship the main couple and it really affected my enjoyment. It wasn't a completely bad experience, though: Karin Anglin's performance as Rebecca was fantastic, and I was cool with the nostalgia trip that I felt seeing people live late '90s lifestyles while wearing late '90s clothing and the random memories it unearthed for me personally. But THE ENDING. It killed me! Here's why:

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Rebecca chose the wrong guy.

Our main character, Rebecca, is a struggling musician who works at a factory and lives at home with her brother and her father in Boston. She wants to study music and gets into the San Francisco College of Music. Her dad, being overprotective, doesn't want her to go, but Rebecca insists and leaves him and her fresh-out-of-high-school brother who she basically raised behind. She even wants to buy a car and drive herself to San Francisco, which sounds like an absurd idea to me, especially considering this was before smartphones and GPS. She gets stranded in the desert and meets Alberto, which, whew.

Alberto. I was not there with the feelings yet in the 7th grade, but as a woman...

Alberto is played by Mark Consuelos, who I only really know as being Mr. Kelly Ripa. Alberto, oh, Alberto. I have such a thing for men in glasses, it's sick. Anyways, Alberto finds her in the desert since he was out taking photos. He helps her get to a phone, then to a motel (where he asks to take a shower, which is where the screen cap above comes from), then to the bus station. He offers to take her to San Francisco since he happens to live and work as an architect there as well, but Rebecca turns him down. I do not understand this. I do not get it at all. Look, I'm wary of men and strangers in general, but I think I would have totally done the opposite in this situation. Is it because he's Mexican, Becky?

Once Rebecca arrives in San Francisco, she goes on a couple of dates with him. One on the dates was a gallery opening, where he unveils a picture that he took of her. It kind makes her look like Lana Del Rey, actually. So sweet.

In the midst of all this romantic activity, she starts college and she meets his older brother, Ramon. Ramon is a sad sack, a divorced dad to Alex, who Rebecca teaches at his after-school program. He gives off major divorced dad energy throughout the show.

Ramon, yelling at children

I mean, shout out to the divorced dads of the world, the struggle is real. I get it. But Ramon whines about his life, whines about his ex-wife, whines about his parent's retirement and worst of all, breaks bro code by making a move on Rebecca. Alberto, although initially taken aback, actually moves out of the way, ends things with Rebecca and strongly hints to her that his brother is available (and never looks hotter in the whole series as he does in this scene, which makes it extra hard for me). This whole situation is messy as hell and it really soured my enjoyment of the show. Rebecca, I was here with you, until the end. I get that her dad just died and she feels a lot of guilt and pain so she's in a hard place, but girl...
Would I recommend that you watch it? Well, if these screen shots amuse you like they amuse me, I say go for it, but don't say I didn't warn you about that ending...

Also, shout out to English language students of the program, who end every episode with their summary and commentary on the situations going down. Since the show touches on sensitive topics like death, sexual harassment, violence and discrimination, it is very enlightening to hear about these topics from an immigrant perspective. I feel like 25 years later, we are in a much better place in terms of media representation of American immigrants, but it's still not perfect. The ladies, in particular, are my favorite, with their sharp perspectives and good humor.

The thing is, I am sure they felt the same about the Alberto situation. I want to find them and ask...

NOTE: In case this is the first post you're reading on this blog, this post is part of my Brookie Project, where I am allowing myself to read Rookie Magazine without the guilt that I initially had because I felt way older than its intended audience since when it was first introduced to the world in late 2011. The weird thing, now that I am reading these past issues 10+ years later than they were published, is that most of these themes relate to my life not only as it was ten or fifteen years ago, but NOW, as I'm in my thirties. This project will let me step back in time, talk about today, and plan for the future. I will read and respond to Rookie's themes month by month, because I think editor Tavi Gevinson did an excellent job at making the themes specific enough to capture a particular mood but broad enough to include the stories, journeys and work of a diverse group of teenage girls around the world.  Today's post was inspired by Rookie, Issue 4: Up All Night.